Day One: Greenpeace at the Motor Show

There weren't that many children there, but they were all gathered around the Ferrari stand asking their parents why we were allowed on when they weren't. My friend and I basked in their envy, lolling in Testarossas and F40s whilst celebrity DJ Pat Sharp's famous haircut did a piece to camera for Sky. It all seemed unbelievably glamourous at the time, as though for an afternoon I really understood what the eighties were all about.

Somewhat disappointingly, it turns out that this motor show doesn't have a Ferrari stand. Or a Lamborghini stand. Or even a Porsche stand. I suppose I should be pleased, as none of them were renowned for their fuel efficiency, but their places have been taken by Chevrolet, Chrysler and Cadillac, so we're still wasting the petrol but without the panache. The Cadillacs don't look like they should, by the way, no fins or anything 'Fear and Loathing', just boxy saloons and hatchbacks. There are some Ferraris scattered around, but without a stand to rally around they seem a bit limp and directionless.

However, I have decided to overlook these and many other flaws, even the huge screen broadcasting continuous Clarkson at us, and give this motor show an unqualified thumbs up. Hurrah for the British International Motor Show and all who sail in her, for they have achieved something beyond the fondest hopes and wildest dreams of environmental campaigners and activists. The publicity for the show gives details of how to arrive at the ExCel centre (already known to some of you for it's popular arms fairs) by boat, coach, rail and tube, but warns that you can't park your car there - the resolute drivers have to use a park and ride scheme.

For at least one day a year (the hottest July day ever today, but that might just be luck) Britain's most enthusiastic motoring enthusiasts are forced out of their cars and onto public transport. With a bit of luck this might be enough to stop Clarkson making a personal appearance. One glimpse of those evil space wasting buses and he'll probably have to lock on to them for the public good.

Finally, I would like to include some interesting facts and figures about the motor industry, and fortunately the official guide to the motor show provides plenty. I strongly recommend this magazine to anyone who likes pictures of cars, facts about cars and glowing eulogies to cars. Page eighteen has some great facts, such as that British motorists buy more convertibles than Italians, that both white cars and washing your car have gone out of fashion - presumably linked trends - and, most interestingly, the following:

"Chelsea tractors. The gallumphing 4x4s still sell well but their drivers are now the most derided on the road."

I will keep my eyes peeled for further signs of environmentalist infiltration.