THE SCENE A Chief Executive’s office of a large multinational somewhere in the UK (it doesn’t matter where ‘cos we know where they all are!!). Sir Gerald Guttersby, a full-bellied, overpaid Company Director sits at his desk, looking reassuringly smug at last week’s sales graph. He strokes a white, purring Persian cat that is sitting on his lap.
A wiry, worried looking minion scuttles into the office! “Sir Gerald, I need a very urgent word with you.”
“Ahhhhh Hargreaves. Looks like our sales figures are doing pretty well this week.”
“Er, no Sir. You have that graph the wrong way up.” He turns the page round as Guttersby frowns in confusion. “Sales are in fact falling … ever since Greenpeace published that damning environmental report on our factory processes, Sir”
“WHAT!” bellows the CEO angrily. “Get PR onto it and sort this out bloody pronto.” he blusters, with a reddening face. “We have the power to overcome the petty objections of a band of jumped-up little ******* (insert your own expletive here).
Hargreaves clears his throat. “That’s proving a little difficult, Sir. We seem to be under siege from all sides!
“What do you mean?”
“Well … PR are snowed under with thousands of emails and letters from concerned members of the public. Reception is battling with phone call after call on the matter as well. We have reports that groups, up and down the country are out on the streets with their frigging pasting tables and clip boards getting signatures for a petition. To cap it all they have snuck into our stores and stickered our products with catchy slogans Sir. It won’t be long before they turn up on the doorstep here with their leaflets and banners. But what if they call up their activists dressed up as cute furry animals? We’ll be sunk! “
“SHIT!" seethes the CEO. "That stunt seems to work every time to get public sympathy!" The cat on his lap looks up somewhat alarmed.
They’ll make us look like fools, Sir. And what if they organise a flashmob to perform a dance to Queen’s ’Another One Bites The Dust’at our AGM next month? What are we going to do Sir?”
“We’ll hunker down and keep quiet. They’ll soon get bored and move onto their next victim!”
“Ah, well other firms have unsuccessfully tried that Sir. They are a determined bunch and try all sorts of cunning tactics. They strike when you least expect it, mobilising their volunteers and supporters using Facebook and Twitter. “
“Dammit! That social networking stuff to organise riots and the looting of our shops no doubt.”
“Er, I’m afraid not – they seem to insist on non-violent direct action Sir. It’s proving difficult to pin them down.”
“Hmmm. What about a court injunction to flout their devious plans?”
“Can we really get away with hiding the truth from the courts Sir?”
“DAMN, GREENPEACE, DAMN!” thunders Guttersby as he thumps the table. The cat lets out a loud hiss as it flees in terror. The CEO wails in emotional pain and slumps forward, his head hitting the table. “Hargreaves I see no option. Call a Board meeting for this afternoon, Guttersby wimpers pathetically. “ Oh and Hargreaves … go out and buy a bloody big white flag! “
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