Day Eight: Lovely, shiny objects of desire

So, what with the easy meat having been thoroughly chewed and spat out, and my correspondance with the ex-membership secretary of the Discovery Owners Club currently being sub judice, I'm going to be uncharacteristically generous and give some space to a professional rival. Take it away, Motoring Journalist and Editor Peter Wadsworth....

Hmmm, this bloke writes anything but 'superbly'. He sounds like a foot-stamping stroppy teen. "Meh, the Land Rover designer is a wanker" you really expect to be taken seriously making comments like that?

"Meh"? I'm clearly a bit out of touch wid da yoot here.

It's just more of this badly informed, misplaced, high-horsery: why not try bothering to find out where the real problems are...

Where are your protesters standing outside Luton airport? I've never seen them. Don't you think your time would be better spent trying to discourage people from taking three holidays abroad every year?

Or encouraging your members to get rid of their utterly filthy 2CVs?

Peter Wadsworth (Motoring Journalist and Editor)

Dear Peter,

I would like to apologise unreservedly for the technical error which caused your email to take thirty years to be delivered. For my younger readers, I should explain that a 2CV was a primitive form of motorised transport popular in the middle of the last century. If any Greenpeace supporters still own one of them, they may be interested to know that Beaulieu Motor Museum is currently holding an exhibition of 2CVs, including the original 1939 prototype, and so it probably is a very good time to sell. Remember who tipped you off, eh?

Regarding 'where the real problems are', whilst aviation is the fastest growing source of greenhouse gas emissions, road transport will continue to be a far larger source for a good few years yet. Still, if it makes you feel any better, I was acquitted of charges arising from an aviation protest last week. Rather spookily, the exact same charges are currently being threatened by a certain ex-membership secretary...

Finally, your hurtful and wounding accusation that I write like a 'foot-stamping stroppy teen'.

Guilty as charged on that one, I suppose.

I do try to sound mature, serious and sophisticated, Peter, honestly I do. Sometimes, when I'm writing about the biggest mass-extinction in history, the accidental genocide we're inflicting on Africa or the destruction of every coastal city and community in the world, I really feel that I'm getting there, but when I'm writing about the Mitsubishi Warrior ("It's Hard") or a Range Rover that can't go off-road, I just regress horribly. Sorry. In future I shall model myself more closely on the restrained, thoroughly adult work of professional motoring journalists.

If you can send me a piece about the Warrior ("It's Hard") which doesn't sound just a bit juvenile, I shall gladly post it as a useful example for all the aspiring Motoring Journalists and Editors out there.

Best wishes,

Graham

Incidentally, for those of you who can't be bothered checking the links, the adverb 'superbly' was first introduced into the discussion by a poster named Kieron. I should like to mention that whilst Kieron's blog appreciation may be a little over-generous, he remains the most intelligent, the most compassionate, and above all the most handsome poster by far.

Now, back to the cars.

I'm a bit reluctant to post pictures of SUVs and the like here, as I have a morbid fear that some impressionable young male might be dazzled by their gleaming paintwork and rush out and buy one. However, the motor show is primarily a visual experience, and I've got bucketloads of photos, so here are a few of them.

Peugeot have rediscovered the joys of phallic bonnets with this concept car. Naturalists amongst you may notice that they have modelled it on the basking sharks which climate change is bringing to our coastal waters in increasing numbers.

A Citroen concept car - the 2CV of the future?

The Mazda Kabura is the reddest, shiniest car at the show. I'm sorry if the camera work is a bit shaky, but I was rather excited.

The Mercedes 300 SL Gullwing. Phwoar.

And finally, me and my new girlfriend steal a moment of intimacy. Note that I am the shinier of the two.

Tomorrow, more stuff about cars. You know you love it.