Day Eleven: I survived!

Firstly, I think I have a few loose ends to tie up in terms of issues I said I'd explain and then didn't bother. So, for the sake of completeness, here's some depressing information about why most of the proposed solutions to climate change won't work.

1. Off-setting

At the most basic level, this isn't solving anything, just transferring the problem elsewhere, and so it only works for the wealthy who can afford to pay others to be green on their behalf. Someone somewhere has to actually reduce their emissions - we can't just create some sort of endless carbon carousel.

That being said, if you are going to fly to Florida or drive a Discovery, it's better to off-set than not. The real concern I have is that many people think they can lead a high emission lifestyle and then fully compensate the environment by planting a few trees. Planting trees only compensates for emissions if, after they're mature, you chop them down and bury them at the bottom of a coal mine with an air-tight seal, otherwise the carbon remains in the biosphere and any 'locking up' of carbon will be entirely temporary. Planting trees is still a very good thing, and I do find myself somewhat charmed by NICE's scheme to plant trees in the city where their cars are being driven, but in climate terms the whole idea's a bit like giving furniture to someone who's house has been bulldozed.

Another problem is the complexity involved. Not only do you have to be careful that the project you're funding is genuinely reducing emissions without, say, chopping down a rainforest on the side (where do you think they're planting all those trees?), but there's also the issue of additionality. That is, if you're funding a project which would have happened anyway, are you really achieving anything?

For example, many western nations are committed to a certain level of emissions reduction under the Kyoto protocol. If you invest in emissions reduction technologies in one of these nations as a form of off-setting, there's a good chance the government will off-set you right back by including your good work under their targets, and so do less themselves. Goingreen off-set in the developing world to try to avoid this, although I'd have to do a bit of research before I could vouch for them.

So, in short, off-setting isn't equivalently virtuous to reducing your emissions, and if you are going to off-set then please be choosy. The Clean Development Mechanism Gold Standard should exclude the dodgier schemes, so look out for that, and remember when someone tells you they can compensate for your holiday to Australia by planting a tenner's worth of trees, it doesn't just sound too good to be true.

2. Biofuels

I've largely ignored biofuels such as biodiesel and bioethanol in this blog, no doubt to the fury of biofuel enthusiasts, who are in a perpetual state of bewildered anguish that a government which claims to care about climate change is trying to tax them out of existence, and they don't even get any real support from environmental groups. (Sorry guys.)

The vast majority of these poor, downtrodden and betrayed individuals are doing really saintly work to save your planet, recycling chip fat and the like, and I'm not surprised by their slight bitterness at the lack of appreciation they receive. However, there is a reason why they're not getting all of the backing they think they deserve. The total fossil fuel energy mankind uses each year is four hundred times the energy produced by the planet in biomass. So, if we were going to replace fossil fuels with biofuels in a straight swap, we'd need four hundred fertile planets to grow the stuff on.

This has no bearing on the biofuel pioneers, who are having an entirely positive impact right now, but if, say, biodiesel was promoted to the level where it was powering a sizable proportion of our cars, and nothing else, we'd have certainly kissed the Amazon goodbye, if not every wilderness on Earth.

UPDATE (06/12/06). Fortunately, the four hundred figure is not accurate in this context, as it refers to the biota needed to produce our annual fossil fuel use through natural processes. The real figure for land needed to produce enough biodiesel to replace our current petrol and diesel use is a tiny fraction of this, but still far too big to be practical. The arguement still stands, but in a slightly weakened state. Apologies to my reader.
graham

3. The Competition

My regular reader (hi Kieron) will remember that on Day Six I launched an exciting competition to decode the hidden messaging in the Top Gear motor show stand. The competition was won, somewhat surprisingly, by my brother Mark, so well done Mark, your worthless bit of tat is in the post.

For those of you untrained in the obscure art of motor show semiotics, here is the answer:

The 'promotions girls'

Selling, sex, 'I love muscle cars' (fnar fnar), it's basically the infantile culture of ignorant consumerism and wilful avoidance of reality which allows the world to get in this state. I would go into more detail but my girlfriend informs me that I've already spent more than enough time writing about promotions girls. She also banned the pictures. Sorry.

The enormous screen emitting huge quantities of Clarkson into the atmosphere

Yes, this one is a bit obvious. What appears to be bland, tasteless stuff which, despite its ubiquity, just washes over us harmlessly turns out to be an acutely dangerous hazard which must be captured and disposed of beneath the sea bed for eternity.

The life-size plastic model of a sports car

Some of you thought this might have something to do with plastic being oil-based, but actually it was merely a visualisation of the true nature of cars (outsize toys) and their fans (outsize children).

The toyota pick-up

An example of the sort of pathetic, doomed techno-fix we'll employ to try to maintain our unsustainable lifestyles as the waters rise around us.

The VW camper narrow boat

As above, with the subtle hint that Norfolk is going to get flooded first. I'm not making this up, you know.

The Ford Anglia yacht

See? Ford Anglia - East Anglia - Norfolk.

So, congrats to Mark, and here's your Greenpeace Approved Motor Show Survival Guide, complete with 'promotion girl':

Drive carefully,

graham