Solving the oil crisis: "We need something like whales, but infinitely more abundant"

Posted by bex — 15 June 2007 at 2:47pm - Comments

Exxon's PR campaign (which seems to run along the lines of "we may fund climate change deniers and oppose Kyoto but we're quite nice really") suffered a slight setback yesterday, when 300 people from the oil industry apparently believed that Exxon's newest fossil fuel was made out of human flesh - belonging to the victims of climate change.

Using the strap line "You light up my life", two imposters posing as Exxon and National Petroleum Council representatives gave the keynote speech at an oil industry shindig in Calgary, Canada.

The audience sat and watched, apparently credulous, as the imposters presented their solution to the twin problems of dwindling fossil fuels and increasing global warming catastrophes.

Canadian energy policies, they explained, were increasing the chances of huge global calamities. But there was no reason why the billions of people who could die as a result of climate change shouldn't be put to use. Their flesh, they said, should be transformed into a new Exxon oil product, Vivoleum.

"We need something like whales, but infinitely more abundant," explained one of the 'reps'.

"Vivoleum works in perfect synergy with the continued expansion of fossil fuel production," said the other. "With more fossil fuels comes a greater chance of disaster, but that means more feedstock for Vivoleum. Fuel will continue to flow for those of us left."

The audience then joined in the lighting of 'commemorative candles', supposedly made of Vivoleum. It was only when an 'Exxon janitor' appeared on video asking to be made into candles after his impending death (the result of cleaning up a toxic spill), that the game was up, and the two imposters (really Yes Men) were escorted from the stage.

The Daily Kos has the full story, in all its wonderful glory. Photos and the presentation used in the address are on the Vivoleum website.

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