Howdy Folks!
As a New Years treat (hopefully), I’ve composed an epic poem about our quirky waterway friend, the noble otter. I went to the Norfolk Otter Trust sanctuary once, where otters frolicked and played, and one even juggled with some rocks (it’s true!)! I was so enamoured with the quirky creatures that I planned a return visit, but more of that later. Here's the poem:
Once, there lived a shy otter
By the river you could spot her
But not for long, then she would flutter
Like a gunshot down the river
This chirpy little otter
Whose name it transpired was Carlotta
Spent her days in otter pleasure
Catching fish under the water
She was spotted by a nasty Hatter
Who scowled and grimaced at her
He made trilbies, hats and flat caps
But never yet one from an otter…
The Hatter hatched a plot
To catch the otter in a pot
So he fetched a Potter
And brought him directly to the spot
He told the man his plan and gave him a quick wink
And said, “My man, pray tell me - verily what do you think?”
Said the Potter to the Hatter, “Not a lot!
It’s really not much cop, I think it stinks!”
Replied the Hatter to the Potter, “Stop your sloppy utterances!
Just go and make the pot, you rotter!”
The Potter wasn’t impressed
But did the job good and proper nonetheless
This misbegotten rotter, the Hatter
Had a lot of bottle attempting to kidnap an otter
Not a lot of otter spotters
Would be so dastardly a plotter!
The Potter blotted his jotter
With plans to build an unbreakable pot
The grotty, snotty Hatter plotted out this fishy matter
It was getting hotter when the Potter made a proper whopper
They would lure her with discarded scraps of sprats
(That’s an otter’s favourite snack!)
To attract her to the trap
She’d lift the hatch’s latch and then it would be… SNAP!
Carlotta would be snatched and then unpleasantly dispatched
This patchy plan (at best) was hatched
Yet Carlotta had not met her match
Perhaps there'd be another springy catch?
The catchers placed the pot down by the river
To see what it would deliver
Carlotta came by with a shiver
Her fur was all a-quiver
There was a pretty pitter-patter
Then a splatter as the otter met the matter
The river surface shattered
As the splashing promptly scattered
The stopper on the pot got blocked
And gently wavered, rolled and rocked
The Potter left his spot beside the stream and came a-cropper
The rotten jotter got caught in a gutter and went into the water
A blot of clot slot got hot
Got a grotty mop to sloop the slop
The otter swam and didn’t stop
But sadly, she swallowed a part of the scurrilous plot
This fiendish part of the potted plot is
Where a sprattish fishbone gets caught in poor Carlotta the Otter’s epiglottis
She spluttered and muttered in a rotten guttural otter utterance
She was truly gutted and began to cough and splutter
The otter splashed about in the water
They thought that they had caught her
Even though they’d feebly fought her
Shoudda known better, they really shoudda oughtta!
The otter coughed up the fishbone on a platter, then climbed a nearby ladder
And from there emptied out her bladder
Onto the Hatter’s hat
It made it bent and wet and flatter until it was in tatters!
The otter shook out her last splatter
But that is not the end of the matter
The Mad Hatter lost the plot and tried to shoot the otter
Taking pot-shots whenever he could spot her
All of a sudden came past a regatta
The Hatter’s plan was completely shattered
The otter kicked him into the pot
Where he was trapped in clatters, and summarily battered by the rowers!
Now the otter went back to the water
Where it dived with a plop to care for her son and daughter
No more would Carlotta be an accosted otter
She kept herself and her cubs hidden and they fairly soon forgot her
Now that this tale’s nearly over
There is not much more to cover
Just to say that you should never underestimate the power
Of a disgruntled, bad-tempered otter
THE END
Eventually, due to the success of the Norfolk Otter Trust sanctuary, otter numbers returned to sufficiently healthy amounts for the area that they could be returned to the wild, and the sanctuary was no longer needed, so the place was closed and the otters were back on the map! Well done all!
Stay otterly free!
Tom Read, Norwich Greenpeace Member
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