It’s not often that you get the chance to go from unemployed (or ‘professional volunteering’, as I like to call it) to working for two companies in the energy industry in the same week but, strangely enough, that’s what I’ve found myself doing recently. Out of the blue, I got the opportunity to do some temping for Frack and Go (no, I hadn’t heard of them before either) and the oil giant Shell (a little more well known in the corporate let’s-wreck-the-planet-and-violate-human-rights sphere) last week. I spent Monday with Frack and Go, helping George Osborne Frack his own constituency, and then assisted Shell with a little benefit gig they were doing on Wednesday. Whoops. Hang on. I don’t mean benefit, do I? Wining and dining the obscenely rich, that’s what I meant to say. The words ‘Shell’ and ‘benefit’ don’t really go together.
To be honest, although it might sound a lot less glamorous, Frack and Go was the better gig. Initially, I was worried that with zero qualifications, Fracking was going to be pretty hard work, but it turned out to be a doddle. Being outside all day was a bonus, and once we’d got the gas pumping it was cups of tea all round. And, although you’d think it would be less glamorous than working for one of the big names like Shell, there was actually quite a media frenzy about the whole operation. Turns out, the majority of Osborne’s constituency actually don’t like fracking and don’t want their countryside to be drilled and polluted. What can you say? There’s nowt as queer as folk, I suppose. Some also raised the objection that drilling for shale gas will make climate change worse and prevent the government from sticking to their legally binding targets, and pointed out the fact that Osborne is flying in the face of expert opinion from the Committee on Climate Change and the Department of Energy and Climate Change when he claims that Fracking will bring energy bills down. But what do I know? I’m just a temp working Fracker. Why should I care if some politician is lying through his teeth. It was a good gig.
Working for Shell was actually a bit more stressful. I guess it was bound to be wasn’t it? Getting involved with such a big player. And, no matter how you try to sugar coat it, they have had a disastrous year – which was reflected in the quality of their wine and dine evening. Only one canapé per person, that’s what I heard.
But I didn’t get in to see the canapés. I was standing outside, in the rain, as a member of the events team in charge of trying to smooth over the cracks as the investors arrived. Sometimes, sorry is the hardest word, but we did the best we could to just come out and say it, as openly as possible, to our stakeholders. As each arrived we apologised for spending 5 billion on trying to drill in the Arctic and having nothing to show for it. And for crashing our ships once or twice. And for grounding our oil rig, the Kulluck, as we tried to move it for tax purposes. And for having to suspend Arctic drilling for a whole extra year while we try to get the kit repaired. Basically, the whole thing was a pretty tough sell, but we did our best. Shell had even commissioned a series of artwork titled Annus Horribilis to mark the occasion, and we had two beautiful oil paintings of the Kulluck running aground next to us to try to put a brave face on things. But, honestly, I’m not completely certain that the investors brought it. Some of them seemed pretty sceptical about the whole thing, and the numbers were really down on last year’s turn out, apparently. Who knows, maybe they have even more objections to Arctic drilling than Shell initially realised. Concerns about climate change and oil spills, perhaps… But I’m just speaking out of turn now. I’m no expert. Like I said, I’m just a temp.
So, there ends an account of a week working in the energy industry, doing some fairly controversial work. And, as the good ship Shell sails into the Arctic sunset, trailing oil behind her, and Frack and Go stand poised to pollute other people’s land, each basking in the warm glow of irreversible and catastrophic climate change… I think I might keep looking for work in the voluntary sector.
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